Maybe I can just announce this blog today. So that maybe I'll have tags and it wouldn't be so boring.

BUT THEN. The previous posts would offend someone. I'm sure it will.
Therefore should I clear it? I don't know.
Maybe I can just replace that paragraph.
With: I got so freaking irritated today, but don't feel like writing.
But then that's like lying.
Because I actually did felt like writing.
And I wrote it down.

AHHHH.

I feel a little sad and depressed now.
No, I feel really really sad and depressed.
Because I don't get to go out tomorrow.
And I have Bio mass lecture on Thursday.
And I have piano and chem sia on friday.

This holiday is horrible.
Everything is so screwed up.
Worse holiday, i tell you.
Except for the September holiday that I was bedridden throughout the whole week.

But let's not talk about that.

What I want to talk about is.
How I can be this two faced person.

At school, in anywhere public, seen by people who are not my family, okay immediate family.
I am this patient and no temper person.
Okay maybe not.
But at least I am a nice person when I am outside.

But at home.
I'm this mean person. And I can be very irritating.
I think my family despises me.
I really do.
I can turn a nice conversion into a shouting match in ONE sentence.
And my mom was saying: You can't talk to anybody without having a shouting match can you?
It feels so bad.
I really like my family.
In fact, I really love being with them.
But I just can't control myself.

Maybe its the shadow that eczema has cast on me that made me into this person.
I can't help but be such a hot temper and foul tempered person.
Maybe its because I feel inferior in someway that resulted into this.
I really don't know.
I don't know myself that much.
Which is really cliche because 'Teenagers at this age are still trying to find out who they are.' Identity Crisis.

Or maybe its because I'm not that close to people, that's why I don't let them see what I really am.
But this is quite unlikely la.
I got into this depression mood during the last day of LSC in the audi. Surrounded by Sec twos. All strangers to me.

I really don't know.

But I really like to be around people.
Fun people, but not in a way that their whole school life is wasted.
And people who can make me really want to be their friend.
And this feeling only appears towards one out of a hundred people.
Maybe even more than a hundred.

I feel that I'm digressing from the main point already.
But I just want to carry on.

I really want to have a close friend.
Believe me. I have none right now.
But I'm still on my way to make some close friends.
Trying to know more people.
But also, very unlikely.
Because I'm just that type of person who's neutral to everyone and don't have a close friend.
Sad isn't it.

I used to have people whom I really really want to be their friend.
Then I'll go paranoid.
What will they think of me? Will they think I'm a bit too irritating? Or doing things a bit over?

Its always these thoughts that prevents me from making friends.

Yah lah. I admit, I'm those type of people who's quite anti social.

Don't go out alot.
Don't mix around alot.
Stuff like that.

I wanted to change during the start of sec 3.
Maybe I did, just a little bit.
That I can feel.

BE MORE SOCIAL! Now that's a start. With:
CONTROL YOUR TEMPER!
BE NICER!
TRAIN AWAY YOUR TUMMY FATS!
etc.

Let's hope I can try to well, not let my paranoid-ness get to me.




OH WOW. How far apart is the topic of the start and the end of this blog entry?
Very.

lalalalalala.

Hmmm.